Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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