Who wears a wallet chain?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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