Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize