I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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