Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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