please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
