her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
