it was like his penis was on wheels.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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