Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
