You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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