he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
