I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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