you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
