I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
