i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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