i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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