I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
