just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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