So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
