My sheets look like a crime scene.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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