Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
