just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I believe in your delicious
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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