She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
