She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
