hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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