DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize