we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
