I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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