carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
