i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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