There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
