Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
