mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.