they're staring at me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
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I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night