Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.