; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.