is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.