you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK