Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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