Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
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Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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