hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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