Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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