even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize