In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
