so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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