Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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