Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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