dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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