Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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