take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
