"it" just moved
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
