i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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