Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
