I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
