Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
this is an emotional support booty call
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
