wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize