She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
