fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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