I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
