Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
