She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
