In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
