after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
