So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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