I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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