R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
