Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
