remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize