I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
