I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
