she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
