So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
