i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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