wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
