when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
